I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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