I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
