My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
