I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
