do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
