Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
