distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
After tacos, we're chasing women.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
