In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
