with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
