I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
