i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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