So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
