If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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