that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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