Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
