If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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