I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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