She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
