NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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