I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
