Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He kissed a someone with a penis
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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