A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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