if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
