I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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