Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
