Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
