they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
