that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
