Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
