the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
