Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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