Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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