The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Randomize
