I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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