"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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