his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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