I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
