I have demons in me.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
