your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
