i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
