At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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