you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
