So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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