i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
