Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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