At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
