Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
