I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
