If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
