hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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