My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
