Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
