They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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